It's kind of a rough night tonight in the land of TFran. So as I've mentioned before, I am currently taking online classes. I'm very over them and kind of hate them... and of late, it has been really showing in my grades. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, what I want to major in, or where I want to transfer to. I'm also trying to balance my job and my annoying mother.
Taking online classes means I'm living at home. This poses a big problem and kind of cuts into when I study. You see, I can't really have my own study time because if I'm not hanging out with my mom in the evenings, she tends to get offended and makes me feel guilty. If I try to study downstairs, she has the TV on. She doesn't even watch it! She's always on her computer! What am I supposed to do? I went to DePauw for a year. I am so used to being able to go off and study whenever I feel like studying... not always have to entertain someone first.
I also HATE online classes. I hate that I don't have any interaction with anyone. There is no one to keep me accountable. I know. I should be able to do that on my own... but I can't. My mentality? They have no idea who I am so it doesn't matter if I turn in this paper. No guilt factor. Classes being online also means there are unlimited distractions. Again... this is something that I should be able to handle myself but... I have a very short attention span. I can't help it.
I feel like I'm wasting my time and am becoming a failure, which is something that hurts more than anything. I have already been practically forced out of swimming which always used to be my sanity foundation. I feel like I have no sense of normalcy left. I used to be proud of what I was able to accomplish both physically and academically. I was a 4.0 student a couple of semesters ago. What in the world happened?! I am so frustrated and disappointed in myself. Something has to change, but I have no idea what. I don't know what to do and I feel so lost. Excuse me while I go cry a little bit.
